my boss does not know what do with me
He is a great guy, he is my same age and he has never attempted to impose his thoughts or ways into my work. He senses my discouragement and he is trying to be more into what I'm doing these days. I hate that. He knows I hate that. But he has to do it, and he is right, so I don't let myself go into a downward spiral.
He has a better opinion about myself than I got, he has praised me in the past, and still does, in such a way that makes me totally awkward because I do not deserve half of things that he says. But the thing is that he is (or was) delighted with my work, my attitude and energy. The thing is that in some past projects I got totally enthusiastic about some technology that I had to explore and test, and for some reason I had an impulse of creativity, I documented my day to day very well, prepared demos and tools so I could have few sessions to show whoever wanted to learn about the subject, and because I was so happy and enthusiastic about it, that was contagious and all the teams attended (voluntarily, I promise) and honestly I did a good job there.
But I have lost the spark some months ago. My boss, he is trying to appear cheerful, he tries many things: gives me easy tasks, then difficult tasks, pings me, tries to get me involved in whatever he thinks is going to trigger my good side again, and basically all he does around me is very noisy to my head and I wish him to stop. I get the point. I also realize I must react.
But a big shadow is covering me in this company, I have a moral debate like I have never had before. International politics have never been so complex for me to look at and swallow. I don't want to talk with management, I don't want to have 1:1 meetings with HR, I really don't want to have anything in common with them.
Still I get paid month by month, isn't it the dirtiest way to agree with the bad-big-corpo, to get paid by them?
So this is, more or less, what is happening lately to me.