One can start just hating green
During decades I had this plan to have a house in the mountains. When I was very young I had very rough years, barely had enough to survive myself and feed my dogs, but I never drop the dream of having a house in north Spain.
Many years later, after having a partner, better jobs, having kids and all that (all that includes I sold my motorbike which was very sad cause it was a Ducati Monster which was another dream of mine), times became better and better and one day I started actually searching for the place. All that search lasted 6 years, which the last 2 looked like an obsession.
I never found what I was looking for, but found a house that with a lot of work, could be the one.
We bought it: solo house in a tiny village, inside a valley, surrounded by mountains, with great views, decent garden, and a lot of work for rehabilitation. House was on the edge of collapsing.
Then covid came, and before they closed Madrid entirely we moved there for what we thought it will be 15 days of hard work. Only that the house was not prepared to be inhabited: we did not have a fridge, sofa, heating, hot water or any commodity. The roof was full of leaks that wet the rooms, walls were covered of slime and mold. Winter was coming, and it was not healthy and definitely not nice to be there. But for couple of weeks we could adjust, right? We actually stayed there 2 years and a half.
Our kids were bonded with the valley, they went to a rural tiny school which actually made wonders with them, they learnt so much about their environment. We worked so hard, I have never worked so hard in my life: remote work during most of the day, then evenings and all weekends with the house. I remember thinking in those days the work will see no end.
But it did, we managed to go through it and when all looked more or less done, I said we had to go back to Madrid.
No one understood it, I had my dream, why to drop it? why to return when the house was finally rehabilitated, confortable, looking beautiful and done? why to return when our kids had friends, wanted to grow cows and ride horses, drive a Lamborghini tractor and walk the mountains up and down? what about my deep interest about trees, insects, spiders and birds, where will they go?
Oh, I had reasons I could not explain. If I stayed one more year I think I would have fall into a depression. I could not stand the green anymore, I started hating wet weather. Strong winds were not fun but a source of problems for the house. Animals are beautiful for the landscape, but once you get to know them... I suffered with them: when they take their calfs away and cows spend days calling them... the horse next to the house is sold to slaughter... The dog who left the sheep alone for a while got brutally punished by the farmer... The fires in February with no exception... The obsession for cutting the trees so they don't take over.
I loved, I love that place and feel terribly bounded with it. But when I was back in Madrid I could finally breath and smile again, things adjusted with me, and it felt so clear that I cannot live in the mountains, at least not for now.
Now we go very often to the house for long weekends and holidays. Sometimes I go alone, just with the dog. Our kids forgot a lot of their life in the Valley. That makes me a bit sad but after all it was me who broke all that.
I cannot ask them to live here then live there and just fight to keep the memories of everything.
As for me, I learned to love it all again, I don't feel overwhelmed anymore, and I take my time to understand the Valley even I know it does not let me stay there for now.
Maybe with the time, when I become wiser, it will finally accept me and let me belong.